NuttyTart

Mageirocophilia

On how-to videos

Whine wine: Anselmann WeiƟburgunder trocken. A fine whine wine, as whine wines go.

 

My queendom for a short and concise how-to video online. Why is it that all these people in fact want to make a video about themselves? If you want to see a demonstration of, say, how to finely chop an onion, you, more likely than not, have to sit through all of the following:

1) Opening titles (appearing one word at a time, naturally)
2) Chipper chopper-person smiling brightly and telling you HI!, who they are, why they are qualified to make this video, where they are, what this video will be about (because the two titles that you have seen so far are def. not enough to make you confident that you’ve opened the correct video), what they will be doing, and how this is all going to be so super-duper.
3) Chopper-person walking through the kitchen to fetch an onion from a basket, opening a drawer to retrieve a knife, and a cupboard to take out the chopping board, perkily explaining what they are doing the whole time.
4) Chopper-person placing an onion on the chopping board and taking a knife in their hand, explaining all details relating to the onion, the chopping board, and the knife.
5) Chopper-person actually chopping the onion, detailing how they do it as they do it.
6) Chopper-person smiling brightly with their chopped onion, telling us that they chopped an onion in an ever so effective manner and it was so great and awesome and you can now do all sorts of things with the chopped onion, like, wow, the onion got well and truly chopped.
7) Chopper-person smiling brightly without an onion and talking about what the video was about and hopes it was useful and that you enjoyed it and will come back with your other chopping needs and have a nice day and see you next time and wave!
8 ) Closing titles (long, rolling, include chopper-person thanking their dog for unwavering support).

 

You only need to film 5). Really.

 

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