On exercise

Fuel: Mud House Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc. One of my current favourites: gloriously fresh and curranty. Nectar of the goddesses, nay, nectar for the goddesses.


One of the oft-repeated and uncontested truths of our time is that we all like exercising and that people who say they don’t, simply haven’t tried enough. You know what they say: you just have to find your own sport, the one you enjoy, and then you too can become a sporty, sweaty person who is ever so happy and healthy! Maybe you’re a solitary type! Maybe you enjoy team sports! Maybe dancing is for you! Just keep looking, you will sooo enjoy exercising when you find the one! Yeah baby!


What a load of tosh. The types of exercise I have tried in my life include but are not limited to: jogging, cross-country skiing, downhill skiing, badminton, zumba, long jump, various forms of aerobics under fancy names and to various kinds of music, the gym, The Firm, high jump, latino dancing, ashtanga yoga, the exercise ball, sprint, circuit training, pilates, step, skating, cycling, and swimming. See? I have tried. I have tested the theory. I feel fairly certain I have covered most general types of exercise, from the simple to the involved, from the straightforward to the artsy. I fucking hated it all. I could stand some of the forms of exercise for about three times (I blame novelty), after which I fucking hated them.


Look: all exercise involves sweating, being out of breath and experiencing discomfort. I DO NOT enjoy sweating and being out of breath and uncomfortable, no matter how this state of affairs comes to be*. I enjoy sitting and reading.


At this point the happy sweaty person will pull out the next weapon: but you get such a high when you’ve exercised! It’s so wonderful, what a feeling! You’ll be hooked! Yeah baby!


I have no idea what you’re talking about. The only high I’ve ever experienced after exercising comes from the knowledge that I don’t have to do it again for at least 24 hours, likely 48. Now that’s joy, right there. The problem, if you want to call it that, is that if I never exercise, I can experience this high all the time.


The simple truth of the matter is this: you exercise fanatics are no more the norm than I am. So why don’t you stop harping on that I, in fact and quite unbeknownst to myself, do enjoy exercising, and I will refrain from telling you, with no restraint and in colourful detail, that you are all a bunch of masochistic freaks. Ok? Ok.


*And because someone who thinks s/he is very clever is planning to write a comment about sex right about now, I would like to point out and emphasise the word “uncomfortable”.

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Category: Wine gripes
  • Vitoria says:

    It can be difficult to get in a regalur exercise program, but you can exercise by doing little movements throughout the day. Wiggling your fingers or shaking your hands or arms when you’re in the car or waiting for class to start is a good way to increase your movement and get some exercise into your day. Doing isometric exercises like tightening your leg muscles, holding it for a few seconds, then releasing is another way you can exercise in class or when you have just a few moments of time. Use natural waiting times like waiting at stoplights, waiting at doctor’s appointments, and sitting in the bathroom to take deep breaths and move your body. It doesn’t have to be big movement, or long exercise, your body just needs a change from sitting or standing in one position for a long time.

    19/07/2012 at 12:37
    • nuttytart says:

      Thank you for the tips! The fact is that you don’t have to like exercising, you just have to do some of it (and thankfully nowhere near as much as health nuts would have us believe) – most modern folks do lead overly sedentary lives that are not good for them. Most of us don’t enjoy going to the dentist’s either, but we drag our butts into that uncomfortable chair anyway, because we know it’s good for us. For some reason however, those who love getting dental work done don’t lecture about how the rest of us should love it, too – and this is what bothers me about those chirpy sport people, who insist on thinking that everyone will naturally and automatically like exercising because they do. I don’t like it. Never have, never will – but I still do it. A bit. Every now and then.

      19/07/2012 at 12:58

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