On queueing

Fuel: Malat Riesling Kellergärten 2008. Very lemony – my palate prefers the curranty rieslings, but hey, I’ll drink it.


Let’s review the purpose of queueing. The purpose of queueing is for a bunch of people to get to where they need to go, one at a time, in an orderly, fair & just fashion. Nobody particularly enjoys it, but most people keep their urge to jump the queue in check, because they realise that the other people in the queue are not enjoying the queueing any more than they are. In other words, it’s agreed that you must keep things fair in order not to be an asshole.


For some reason, however, even otherwise sane people constantly commit these queueing sins:


  1. Ignoring the one queue rule. Two (or more) desks, one line, and the space has been clearly organised in a way that makes the one-queue system feasible, if not recommendable. Sensible people have formed one queue. An soon-to-be-asshole comes in, decides that the queue is in fact 10 centimetres closer to desk 1 than to desk 2, takes this to mean that the five people are all queueing to desk 1, and promptly positions him/herself behind the person at desk 2, feeling all smug. No. This is a sin.
  2. Upon leaving, handing the unused queueing ticket number to someone who just walked in. A person walks in, takes a number from the ticket dispenser, and sees that there are 17 people in front of him or her. The person waits, 10 more people come in and take numbers, the soon-to-be-asshole decides not to wait any more, and… for some reason, hands their ticket to whoever happens to walk in as they’re leaving. No. No no no. You just seriously pissed off the 10 people who walked in after you and hence became a queueing asshole. Stuff the ticket in your pocket or throw it in the bin, but do not let someone jump the queue with it. It is a sin.
  3. Not taking out the papers, cards and whatnots needed at the desk in good time. The at-this-point-already-a-queueing-asshole finally gets to the desk and only then starts to dig through their purses/pockets to find the cash card, and, hang on, I have a post-it here somewhere with that info I need, then I have the loyalty card, just saw it the other day, hmm, hmm, oh oh oh, and I have a coupon, let’s see where I put it… No. Plenty of time to do the digging when you’re standing and waiting. Do not unnecessarily add to the queueing time of others. It is a sin.


This has been a public service announcement against queueing sins leading to assholeness. Thank you.

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Category: Wine gripes
  • Mary says:

    Is the correct form ‘assholeness’ or perhaps ‘assholery’?

    18/03/2012 at 06:21
    • nuttytart says:

      Ah, yes. I refer to the state of being an asshole here, so ‘assholeness’, or ‘assholity’, if you will, rather than to the actions and behaviour stemming from and consistent with being an asshole, i.e.’assholery’, which would, of course, be entirely appropriate here. Linguistically.

      20/03/2012 at 21:11
  • Mika H says:

    What about the royal ass holes: do we address them by saying Your Assholiness?

    02/04/2012 at 22:06
    • nuttytart says:

      If someone is a royal pain in the butt, “your assholiness” sounds about right, yes.

      03/04/2012 at 11:50

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